When God Doesn't Make Sense

You know, when our son Cade was born, you know, I went, I went through a difficult circumstance. He was born with Down Syndrome. We weren't expecting it. He was our firstborn. I had all the hopes and dreams of a firstborn son. I was an athlete and had imagined that I couldn't wait to throw the football around and start to see my son develop into a little mini-me. Uh, and all those expectations were shattered, and I just couldn't help but question God and say, "What is going on here? What, what is this about? I thought you were in charge of everything. I thought you knit him together in his mother's womb, but yet this isn't perfect. This isn't the way I define perfect." And God and I went through a season of, of struggle, of, of me having to relinquish the sense that I know God and how God thinks and how God ought to do things. There was pride and ego that was getting in the way that, that I kind of thought I had this world figured out through the lens of God. And yet that's the greatest sin, to think that we actually know, uh, the way God should be doing things. And so through that I doubted, uh, my own faith. I doubted what I had been believing, what I had bought into. Uh, and God was gracious through that process, though, and helping me come to an understanding and a realization that I'm not God. And that God has ways and plans and ways of working this world together, uh, that I might not ever understand but I can trust him, that I can have faith and trust that he has my best interest in mind. And even if I can't explain every circumstance that happens, every bad thing that happens in the world, that God's a God that we can trust that's going to be renewing it, that's going to be making something that seems bad to us into something amazing and beautiful, uh, for the world.